The 'This yours or mine' Baby
by Croag
Summary: Oneshot. MalJayne and MalSimon slash! Written for Secret santa with prompt: Mal's pregnant but doesn't know who the father is. Is it Jayne? Or Simon?Yes, my summaries are awesome...now read! :P


**The "This yours or mine?" Baby**

_(A heartwarming story or epic proportions…except not)_

Jayne looked up as Mal waltzed right into his room, a blank look on his face. The two stared at each other for a second, before Jayne just shrugged it off and went back to polishing Sally and after that he'd get started on Sophia II.

Sophie the original was out floatin' in the cosmic verse' above them all now, he reckoned.

The thought brought a small sniffle. Mal gave him a weird look.

"Jayne, we need to talk. Man to man."

"You mean screw?"

"Not this time, no." Jayne pouted, not bothering to hide the disappointment,

"But I'm feelin' mighty bored right now!"

"Maybe later." The big man watched as his captain sat down across from him, the blank look still on his face.

"Did someone keel over and die?" a hopeful look entered into his eyes, almost feeling like it was Christmas, "The fancy prancy Doctor?"

"No. It's umm…" Mal pursed his lips, trying to think of a way to word it in a way that wouldn't sound…

…dumb. Or crazy. Or amazingly retarded.

"I think I'm pregnant." Great, now he sounded like a woman in some bad Alliance soap. Jayne just stared at him, before spontaneously bursting into giggles, which quickly mutated into slightly creepy knee jerking cackles. Mal patiently waited for him to shut up, "I'm serious."

"Men can't get pregnant! How dumb do ya' think I am? You ain't some kind of woman!" and, as if he had somehow missed something important, he jumped up and panickedly screeched, "Are ya'?!" Looking at Jayne's frightened expression…well… sometimes the man's stupidity amazed even him: A guy who'd been working with the big man for years.

"No Jayne," the big man slumped back into his bed, Mal resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "But I am pregnant."

"How?" Mal gave him a pointed look, "Well…I mean…you're a guy! Where would the…" he awkwardly gestured to his stomach, "the little brat grow?"

"Calling it a little brat before it's even born, great sign."

"How do ya' know you're pregnant, huh?"

"I was pukin' this morning."

"_And_?"

"_And_ I started getting' might suspicious when it happened every morning and I started eating shit like synthetic apples with Kaylee's pies…and _enjoying_ it. So I stole one a' Simon's birthing tests. On a whim…" Mal scowled, "It was positive."

"It's broken!"

"I tried five."

"…Oh…" the two sat in silence, "Can we kill it?"

"NO!" Quickly, Mal covered his stomach and stared at Jayne like he was a deranged gun toting psycho.

Basically, he was realizing what Jayne was.

"Well what are we gonna' do? I ain't takin' care of no gorramn baby!" he crossed his arm like a five year old, pouting, "What good's it gonna' do me?" Mal sighed and got up, glaring at the sullen mercenary.

"You realize I've been with Simon too, right?"

"Yeah."

"So that means I can't be absolutely 100 sure the baby's _yours_." With one last disapproving glare, he opened the door to leave, and added, "I'm going to go tell our good doctor I stole his birth tests. And then we're going to see who the father is, okay?" the door slammed shut, Jayne pursed his lips in annoyance.

It wasn't his gorramn fault he didn't want any little kids runnin' around, hoggin' his guns.

* * *

"What do you mean you don't know who the dad is?!" Mal sheepishly shrugged. Simon looked amazingly close to throwing a hissy fit.

"I've been busy…" the young doctor stared, completely and utterly surprised by just how unsurprised about this he was.

"With _who_?" the captain leered at him, Simon rolled his eyes, "Who _else_?" The leer was quickly replaced with a nervous smile,

"Remember that time I was stuck on that gorramn dirt ball of a planet?"

"Yeah…"

"You remember who I was stuck with?" Simon gave him a weird look,

"Yeah, with Jayne." Mal mentally braced himself and counted,

'_5…4…3…2…'_

"Oh god no, with _Jayne_?! You've been having an affair with that _oaf_?" Mal shrugged, Simon kept on gaping at him, mouth twisted with disgust and absolute _horror_, "_Why_?" Another casual shrug.

"He's a big'un."

"Not what I meant!" he quickly paced back and forth in his little infirmary, glaring daggers at the less than slightly frightened captain as he mulled over everything, "Have you told him?"

"No…" Tiny white lie. Wouldn't do any good if Simon started freaking out about not being the first notified.

"Do you intend to?"

"If he's the father, yeah. Every man should know if they have a child." Simon sighed,

"And how do you intend on seeing who the father is?"

"Makin' you do a birthing test, a' course!" he stopped mid-pace and stared at his _amazingly_ dumb captain.

"You mean a DNA test?" Mal nodded, "A _DNA_ test? Are you _serious_?" the confused look on Mal's face told him everything he needed to know. Resisting the urge to scream, Simon instead opted for a long, drawn out sigh, holding his head in his hands, "this is an infirmary for…space pirates, basically."

"…And?" Mal jumped back as his doctor jerked up, glaring at him like he was some kind of disease.

The captain was more than a tike offended.

"This is isn't a hospital! I don't have the equipment for something like a _DNA_ test because I never really thought any of you would be dumb enough to start making _babies_ with each other and not know who the father is!"

"You were involved with this process too, Doc."

"That remains to be _seen,_ apparently." Mal winced.

"Well what about Zoe and Wash? Doc, we got a hooker on this ship! You mean to tell me you honestly don't have _one_ test in ya'?" another thought struck, making the captain wince, "You _do_ have the necessary equipment needed to make babies pop out, right?" Simon opted to just let that wording go.

"Zoe and I have an agreement, where she'll tell me beforehand whether or not she and Wash are going to try for a baby. Then I'd have time to…acquire the necessary equipment." He leveled Mal with a pointed look, "That's what responsible people do."

"Men don't have kids!"

"Obviously the 'verse has other ideas." Simon took a minute to embrace the feeling of smugness he suddenly felt, "Besides that, if Zoe got pregnant I wouldn't need to do a _DNA_ test. And at least our 'hooker' is smart enough to use _condoms_."

"I didn't see you complaining last night!"

"That's _different_!" growling to himself, Simon started to mutter and grumble and pointed Mal the door, "Get the hell out while I figure things out, okay?"

"Now look here, _doc_t_or_. I can figure things out just fine without your nice and fancy _school_ knowledge!" Simon slumped to the floor as Mal slammed the door shut for the second time that day, looking up at his blank dull ceiling and thinking to himself, '_If there's a god, Jayne Cobb hasn't managed to bring children into this world_.'

* * *

Five minutes later, as if an answer to his prayers, Mal stormed back in dragging a disgruntled Jayne.

Simon decided he _really_ needed to become an atheist.

After about five nerve wracking hours later, each fun filled hour that was filled with screams and dumb ideas:

Jayne: Let's knock up one a' the women so we have an excuse to steal baby stuff!

Simon: Let's not.

The boys had finally come down to a plan…

…Wing it.

Simon still couldn't believe it took them this long to come up with _that_.

Nonetheless, the crew found themselves all gathered around in the kitchen, completely and utterly clueless and confused as they stared at their captain while he nervously paced around the ship. Meanwhile Jayne and Simon were actually acting _civil_ with each other in the background.

It was an odd scene.

Zoe was the first to break the silence.

"What did you do now, Captain?"

"What makes you think I did anything?" Zoe raised a brow, Simon coughed, Jayne snickered…Mal scowled, "Listen, we have a new…_mission_…of sorts." He took a deep breath, "We're going on a medical supply…heist."

"So soon?" Kaylee looked over to Simon with her big, innocent adoring eyes, like the doctor was some sort of Roman God, "You need more medical stuff already?"

"Uh…y-yes." Both Zoe and Inara didn't look convinced, but they went with it.

"So Doctor, what do you need?" Simon got red, his eyes darting to the floor. Jayne just snickered at him.

"We uh…we need some…," he said it softly, "baby supplies." Inara leaned in, trying to hear better. Mal forcefully nudged his arm, a forced smile on his face.

"Speak up, Simon." The younger man shot a heated glare that said _oh_ so many torturous things, and sighed.

"We need baby supplies. And equipment to perform blood tests and ultra sounds." He was met with silence. Completely dead silence that was all too uncomfortable. Finally, Wash coughed and nervously glanced at Zoe.

"You're not pregnant are you?"

"No…" she looked at Kaylee, who blushed,

"I'm not!" All the stares turned to Inara, who just scowled.

"It's not me."

"You don't think…" they all turned to River, who was busy poking a wall while muttering all things that rhymed with, "all" under her breath.

"River, sweety…" Kaylee carefully padded over to the oblivious girl, "Are you…"

"Brawl…mall…crawl…tall…shawl…haul…" she kept on poking. Everyone was more than a little weirded out. Seeing the distress and confusion of his crew, Mal smoothly stepped in with his best grin, ready to wrap up the situation and move on,

"Yes, River's pregnant." He completely and utterly ignored the outraged gasp from his doctor, "And we are here for her. Here to help her through these tough times and to raise her munchkin." Simon looked close to having a breakdown. Jayne kept snickering to himself. The rest just stared at Mal, not sure what to say.

"Uh…captain," Zoe stepped protectively between River and Mal, while Wash awkwardly coughed, not sure how he should put it, "You didn't do something like… impregnant our resident crazy girl, did ya'?"

"_What_? No!" he looked to Simon for support, who looked the other way.

Spiteful little man.

"You don't honestly think that _I'd-_"

"He ain't the one that uh…" the Jayne leered, "poked River the right way." If possible, the crew looked even more disgusted.

"Jayne! _You_?" Kaylee seemed absolutely _shocked_. Inara couldn't see why. Honestly…with Jayne it wasn't _that_ much of a shocker.

"No, wasn't me!" he pointed to Simon, "It was him." Book, who had been surprisingly quiet throughout the whole thing, actually started _gagging_, and, for once in her life, Kaylee was utterly appalled by the doctor.

Meanwhile, Simon was having a harder time trying to decide what he hated more: Life or the Satan spawn known as Jayne Cobb.

Mal, wisely, stepped back and stayed out of it, only opting to give Jayne a stern look.

"Simon!" Zoe couldn't believe it, "How in all the 'verse could you-"

"Fuck your own _sister_?" Jayne interrupted, hands on his hips with a very disapproving look on his face.

Simon wished he could get one of those damned guns the big mercenary had stashed up in his room, stick it up the man's ass, and pull the trigger. All the while making it as painful as humanly possible. He was a smart guy, he could figure out how to do it…

Meanwhile, the said mercenary whirled around to face the crew, and, with obvious glee (at least to Simon and Mal), pointed at the doctor with an air of disgust, "My bunk's right next ta' his! I could hear 'em goin' at it like rabbits! Rabies infested sex crazed bunnies! With my own ears." Kaylee went a little green. Book ran out of the room. Wash and Zoe both just gave up trying to see reason and opted to simply glare at the doctor. River was still poking and rhyming, adding a giggle or two every now and then.

As the crew slowly stumbled out of the kitchen, Zoe dragging a confused River away with her, and Jayne couldn't help but wallow in the feeling of accomplishment. He was really good at this planning and lying stuff!

Simon was looking for a pointy object to kill someone with.

Mal wearily rubbed his stomach and wondered who was gonna' survive the night. And how the hell was he gonna' explain to the rest of the crew that, oops, it wasn't River carrying a baby…it was him.

The captain and doctor both staggered to their respective rooms with a gloomy air.

Jayne sat down and snatched a cheap, synthetic apple, humming away as he cheerfully cut into it.

This father thing was lookin' to be kinda' fun!

You know, in a horribly sociopathic destroy-Simon's-life way.

And, really, what was better than that?

* * *

Jayne sighed, hugging Selma to his chest while Mal yelled orders over the scream of gunfire and whirring bullets.

"Hey Mal." The man distractedly glanced at Jayne.

"What?"

"I think I wanna' name 'im Bob."

"_What?"_

"Our kid."

"We don't know that yet." Simon growled, still more than a little pissy. Jayne leered at him and smugly replied,

"River's lookin' mighty lonely these days. Think she mis-Ow!" he winced as Mal glared at him, hand still raised in the air.

"Now do I have to separate you children or will you shut up? We're stealing _my_ medicine, you know."

"We ain't forgot."

"I still don't see why _he_ had to go with us." Simon snorted with disgust as Jayne practically _preened _at the doctor's reactions towards him.

"Maybe it's 'cause _you're_ just a pansy doctor and I'm the-"

"-Muscle." Mal shot them both "the look", making them snap their mouths shut, "Now. I sure as hell don't feel like dyin' this night so we're gonna' go meet Zoe, get in that damn shuttle, and bring every piece of cargo we got with us, we clear?" they nodded, "Shai-ni." He reloaded his gun, prompting Jayne to do the same. Simon nervously fiddled with his gun, before muttering under his breath and reloading it too, "Simon, we got all the stuff, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Jayne, you cover us. Simon and I'll grab the stuff. We meet Zoe in the west wing roof, thirty minutes. Follow my lead, let's go!" Gritting his teeth, praying to Gods he still wasn't sure he believed in, Mal grabbed the flash grenade and threw it, clenching his eyes and fist shut as the light filled the room with screams, "NOW!" the three rushed out, Jayne in the lead with his gun out front, shooting everything that moved and then reloading, holding Selma like some sacred relic.

Meanwhile Mal and Simon pushed their carts of cargo and medicine and stolen equipment, whizzing down the halls, each screaming at Jayne, "LEFT! Left! Look to the left, gorramnit!" and, "That almost hit me! I almost got shot, you lug! What the hell are you doing?!"

As you can imagine, it was all very dramatic.

But, of course, the dramatics came to an end when the big hospital security actually did their jobs and well…secured the hospital.

Staring at the sealed entrance into the West Wing, Mal really wished for the good ole' days of incompetents.

"I suggest you _savages_ give up and put down your weapons. If you do so, we'll hand you to the Alliance with our commendations." Mal rolled his eyes, signaling for Jayne to stand down.

"Gee, thanks. That's what I was aimin' for, quite fond a' them commendations, myself. Keeps me warm at night, feeds my tummy. Nice handy things, those commendations." The man, armed with his very own mini-army, just frowned.

"Sarcasm gets you nowhere," Simon snorted, feeling uncannily brave.

Maybe it was the stirring feelings of hate for the big idiot next to him.

And he wasn't referring to Jayne, for once. Or Mal.

"You'd be surprised where it could take you. My, I heard it could even take us to _heaven_!" he laughed, Jayne and Mal shot him a weird look. The man didn't seem the least bit amused.

"Drop your weapons or I will shoot."

'_C'mon Zoe…we're late. That means trouble. Trouble! Help us **now**_!" Mal calmly smiled, like the captain he was. Not the least bit afraid to show how unafraid he was (while in reality he was terrified but he was much too scared to show _that_).

"Have a heart, good sir! We're just three men tryin' to make a livin'. Can you really shoot us for that?"

"Yes." Absolutely no hesitation. The three of them winced.

Not a good sign.

"Well…don't." Jayne thrust his gun up, causing the security to jump back and Mal to groan, "I like livin'."

"Noted." He ignored the doctor's dry reply. No sense in startin' a fuss here. Mal noticed the man starting to get impatient, and was about to attempt another witty comment to try and distract him from noticing the fact that, you know, he had them completely and utterly helpless, but, luckily, Zoe was a smart girl.

The building started to shake and rumble with little pieces of debris falling to the ground, coating them all dull brown. The security wildly looked around while the three men tried their best to hide their smug grins.

Keyword there being _tried_. The man growled as some of his men lost face and ran off to see what the hell was happening, pointing his gun at the three of them. The rest of his men followed suit.

It was safe to say their grins were gone, replaced with frantic glances for _Serenity_, or a shuttle or _something_ to get them out of that gorramn hospital!

"Your people causing all this, I take it." And, just for added effect, the building shook again. Mal tried to reply but the man cut him off, "Figures savages like yourself, all cozy up on the edge, would have the _gall_ to destroy the precious architect that is this hospital!"

"…It's a building." The guns were all trained on Jayne, who had Selma aimed right back at 'em.

"Jayne, shut up." He looked at the captain, completely and utterly confuddled.

"What? I just said it's a building!"

"Jayne!"

"Okay! Geez…" Simon had stayed quiet, watching the scene unfold with a blank look. Slowly, he walked towards the group of men, his arm raised in a placating gesture.

"Listen, ignore that big idiot over there, okay? He's just muscle, dumber than a rock," Mal quickly covered up Jayne's mouth, muffling the protests, "And the other man? He's just our…spokesperson, really. Good for the masses, but not good enough for you, I see! No, you're better than that. Smarter. I realize that now."

"And who the hell are you?"

"I'm the captain. Simon Tam of the-"

"Browncoats!" Mal broke in. Simon shot him a grateful look, and, for once, Jayne opted to stay out of the action.

"Let us go, and we'll help you out. Surely there's always been something you've wanted. Anything. We can get it for you, if you let us go." He placed his hands on the man's gun, gently lowering it, eyes never wavering from the other man's eyes, "How does that sound? Hm? No fuss no mess." The man smiled and, encouraged, Simon got bolder and stepped closer to try and get the other men to lower their weapons, "Okay good. Now just-" a loud bang filled the air. Mal rushed forward but was quickly snapped back by large arms, screaming for, "Stop! You can't do nothin'! We gotta' get goin'!"

"_Simon!_"

"Little _shit_." The man wiped off the red spatter off his cheek with a careless gesture, coldly staring at the whimpering man beneath him.

Simon just stared at the ceiling, eyes wide and mouth gaping, every little chocked noise becoming more and more like a last horrible gurgle, his nice pretty little hands stained red and suddenly not looking all that nice anymore. Not when they were so desperately trying to hold all the red inside. Mal kept screaming and Jayne kept holding him back, torn between watching the man and watching Simon.

Slowly, painfully, the doctor tried to get up while the security laughed and laughed, trying to gorge up the feelings of rage and hate that had seemed so easy to conjure up, but all he was feeling was numb.

It didn't take a doctor to know that wasn't all that great.

"Damn it, Jayne! We need to stop the bleeding!"

"We can't stop it, Mal! Look at 'im! He's gone!"

"He's _moving_!"

"He's _twitchin_' like some dyin' animal!"

"No. He's. _Not_!" Mal finally snapped free, rushing over to Simon like something fierce, only to get knocked back, the wind out of his body.

The man had kicked him.

…In the stomach.

Jayne rushed forward, dropping Selma and haste and not caring in the least bit as he put himself between the man and the hunched over form of Mal. Simon had stopped moving. Desperately, Mal put his hand over his stomach, staring at the still form of the doctor.

He was so quiet. Like stone. Nothin' was moving. Not even his chest. All he was now was red.

River didn't have a brother no more, Serenity didn't have a doctor to sow up the doctor! His baby lost a father…

"Gorramnit…" How did everything go to hell so fast?

Jayne snarled as the man just laughed and laughed, gun pointed cruelly to his head, mocking both Simon and himself, but he couldn't move. Wouldn't. Not if he was the only thing standin' between that _fucker_ and Mal.

Between that man and his own kid (and how that did that _happen_?)

The kid needed at least one parent, right?

'_Fuck, where are you people?!' _and right on cue, gunfire echoed and a loud bang, louder than a gun, which was quickly accompanied by an even brighter flash then any muzzle in the 'verse could spark up.

And then-

Jayne woke up to white. And sobs. Wincing, he looked over to River, who was screaming and crying and clawing at the air. Mal seemed oddly quiet while Zoe calmly examined him.

"You're awake." The captain's voice was toneless, his expression bleak.

"Yeah…" he looked around, "The doc?"

"He's only _red_!" River collapsed to the ground, her whole body shaking as she growled and snarled and glared at everyone.

"He's gone to a better place." Book quietly replied. Jayne couldn't shake the sense of regret from his bones.

"We get the stuff?"

"Yeah…" Mal limply gestured to a small pile of machinery carelessly tossed into a corner, "We got it."

"I'm not pregnant." River sniffled, "I'm not."

"We know." She warily watched as the tired captain simply petted her, "We know." Jayne frowned, looking back and forth between the crew and his captain.

"Do they?" Wash awkwardly laugh, the sound sawing raw and slightly hysteric, like he still wasn't sure how to react or what to believe and just what the hell was going on?

"He told us. Everything." Book looked between the pair, and let out a small cough, gently grabbing River and leading her out of the room.

"I should check on little Kaylee, she's taking this very hard. I should go to her, see how she's doing. Help Inara with her." Zoe and Wash quickly followed them out, shutting the infirmary door behind them. Jayne stared at the white floor, absently wandering just how the hell the doc had kept it so clean.

"Are you curious?" he looked up in surprise, but Mal wasn't looking at him.

"'Bout what?" He was staring a small piece of paper in his hand, clutched tightly. Jayne had an idea of what it was.

"Who's the father."

"…It me?"

"…No." If the mercenary was disappointed he didn't show it.

"You want me to be?" Jayne hoped to high hell he didn't sound all that desperate.

Maybe he wanted a kid after all. With Mal.

"I dunno'…We were never…really in a relationship. Were we?"

"Not really…" Mal simply nodded to himself. Jayne swallowed, "Maybe we can be…?"

"That a question?"

"No."

"Good." The small brunette finally looked at the bigger man, eyes serious and expression solemn, "Listen, none of the others have seen the results. They don't know…You really wanna' be the father?"

"A' cor-"

"Think carefully, Jayne. These ain't one of those things you can just back out of later. This is a binding agreement. Forever. Do you want to be the father of my child?" he stayed quiet, weighing his options, before, finally, he just sighed.

"Don't be getting all selfish on me now, Mal. You're talkin' 'bout _our_ child." And, even if it was a small one, Mal smiled.

"Alright then."

* * *

Two weeks later, the crew gathered around the grave, a smiling Simon residing over it. Kaylee tearfully put her flowers on top of it, while River was nowhere to be seen. She was with Book, refusing to see her brother "rot in the ground like a worm." Mal quietly put his own flowers next to Kaylee's, his hand hovering over his stomach for the millionth time, like it was glued there. Jayne quietly looked on from the background with Zoe and Wash. They all left together, no one said a word.

* * *

8 months, 3 weeks later, Jayne found himself frantically wishing he'd declined to be anywhere near Mal. The man had been yelling and screaming and throwing a fit while Zoe and Book forcefully sedated him, telling him over and over again, "Captain! We can't do a C-section while you're awake!"

And now everything was quiet and Jayne was stuck outside in the hall, desperately pressing his ear against the door to catch a whisper of _something_! Anything!

Then the door opened and he came stumbling through, quickly jumping up and looking around for Mal.  
"Where's the baby?" he pointed to Mal, "He's alive, right?" Book smiled, while Zoe completely and utterly ignored him, all her focus trained on the captain's stomach, her hands disappeared under the cut flesh.

Jayne felt more than a little sick.

"Don't worry, he's doing fine. I figured the first thing your daughter should see is her father." At the statement, he couldn't help it.

Jayne Cobb, the biggest, meanest, filthiest, coldest, greediest mercenary in the all the 'verse…practically fainted. _Fainted_.

"It's a girl? How do ya' know?"

"I could tell from the ultrasound." And with a big grin, the shepherd heartily patted the stunned man on the back and pushed him forward, "Now," Jayne couldn't stop staring as Zoe slowly lifted a small, crying figure out of Mal (_MAL! That big thing was in Mal!_), and held her in the air, stretching out the birth chord. Book gave Jayne surgical scissors, and prodded him to the baby, "Do the honors. Cut the chord." It took all the effort in the world for both Zoe and the shepherd _not_ to wince as Jayne quickly hacked away the chord, already dropping the scissors and eagerly holding his hands out for the baby like a giddy mother.

It was a little disconcerting.

Nonetheless, Zoe wiped off the baby, wrapped it in a clean towel, and slowly handed the big mercenary his new child, and Jayne was very careful. He treated that little baby like he would one of his guns! And not just any of his guns, but the way he'd hold one his _best_ guns. The baby kept crying, but he ignored it.

Which was bad. But that was okay! Because he was taking baby classes with Mal from Kaylee and Zoe and Inara. They were teaching him all types of things like the difference between normal baby feedin' and breast feedin'. Which he wasn't allowed to watch.

Inara said she'd gut him if she saw him watching her breast feed the baby.

But he didn't care. Because the little munchkin was in his arms, tiny little fists swinging this way and that and Jayne couldn't help but coo and fawn over the little thing.

"She's already trying to a pick a fight. She's gonna' be a great brawl fighter!" Zoe raised a brow while she started to stitch Mal back up. Book just laughed and the left the infirmary to tell the others the news. He nodded to the unconscious man, rocking the baby up and down.

"When's he gonna' wake up?"

"Give it an hour or so."

"Alright…"

Two hours later, nobody was allowed in the infirmary. When Mal woke up, Jayne had promptly told Zoe that the baby was theirs, pushed her out, closed the doors, and locked them shut.

And for two more hours the two men did nothing but fawn over their new little edition, acting like a bunch of twelve year old girls, all smiles and grins.

Then Kaylee knocked down the door with a blow torch and demanded to see the baby, River quickly following suit. And the tough crew of mercenaries and cold blooded killers all whipped out their own embarrassingly cute, sweet little baby toys and clothes, flooding both Mal and Jayne with the sudden rush of pink frills everywhere.

That night, Mal gave Simon a silent prayer of thanks and plugged in his earplugs to get ready to sleep next to the snoring monster known as Jayne.

Five minutes later they were both running out of bed to check on their crying baby, Madison.

Five days later, with only two hours of sleep, the two glared at anyone who mentioned the baby and were quite happy to forget they had one.

An hour later they found themselves fawning and cooing all over again.  
It was an endless cycle. Jayne wished it'd never end. Of course, if anyone ever told him that he'd laugh in their face and beat them up.

But that was another thing entirely.

Not to mention, he just couldn't wait until the day he could pass on Betty to his daughter! It would be their family relic.

He'd tell Mal later.


End file.
